Monthly Transformation Update – June 2015

June 1st – 162.4 lbs

June 30th – 162.2 lbs

Weight Loss for June 0.2 lbs

Highest Weight 284 lbs

Weight loss to date – 121.8 lbs

Comments – June was a tough month. It started with me requiring urgent surgery for my finger and ended with my ex-mother-in-law, with whom I am close, unexpectantly passing away.

I also struggled with food all month. I have been at this since November 2013 with very little trouble, but that all changed in June. I found that I was just generally reaching for more food. It was calling out to me and tempting me to eat. Why suddenly now? It would be easy to say it was a bad month because of the two events listed above, but that wasn’t it.

I think there were a number of things going on. I think there was some “diet fatigue”.  I didn’t want to count calories anymore and worry about what I was eating. I think part of it was wanting to “fit in” better when out socially. Sanford and I did a ton of visiting and had many meals out, either at people’s homes or at restaurants. I was surrounded by food and wanted to eat without worrying. I wanted to join in on the appetizers and snacks being served.

And that’s exactly what I did.  I started to indulge without regard to how much or what I was eating. I have truly given up sweets, and never got into sugary foods such as cakes, ice cream, cookies, etc., but where I faltered was on appetizer things like crackers, cheese, nuts, and I will even eat potato chips (sigh…). As the month wore on and I indulged more and more frequently, I just wanted to eat all the time. In addition, for me, I have discovered I like the feeling of fullness that overeating brings, and hence am drawn to eat till quite full.

Near the end of the month I was astounded at just how quickly my eating lifestyle could and did slide. It’s easy to say it was no big deal because, after all, I didn’t gain any weight. That may be true, but that just means I did enough exercise and on other days ate under my required calories so it kind of evened out. But it was not a way to live. Most disturbing to me was how my thinking was changing. I was getting overwhelmed with thoughts of food; wanting to eat more, wanting to eat foods that were not good for me, and constantly struggling with whether to eat something or not.

I work with a diet coach and I have to say during the month of June, I wrote to him infrequently.  I didn’t want to hear what he had to say about my struggles because I didn’t want to hear the cold hard truth that I have to watch what I eat all the time and be mindful and that I am wired to overeat and it takes years to overcome this urge.

By the end of the month, I came to the realization that I was angry. Mad that for me, I really can never “just eat” whatever I want with no thought of the consequences. I have to be careful for the rest of my life or I will be in serious danger of regaining all the weight I have worked so hard to lose. It didn’t seem fair that after 120lbs down that in a relatively short time, I could reverse this success. I had to admit that the draw to overeat was really, really strong and I can totally see how it is so easy to happen.  I thought I was immune because of how relatively easy it has been for me, but now I can see just how easily it would be to gain it all back and plus. It’s really scary to contemplate that fact. I never want to regain that weight.

I’m doing better now but I’m still a work in progress. I’m starting to rack up good food days again and staying within my calories and thinking about my nutrition.  As I get back on track, I no longer am thinking about food all the time, and am just generally feeling better.  I know I can have another month like June again anytime but I am working towards learning how to recover from those episodes and perhaps not even go there next time. A skill I will need in the future.

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6 thoughts on “Monthly Transformation Update – June 2015

  1. Given your level of self-awareness and dedication, I think this was just a blip and you remain in control. Congrats on your continued success!

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  2. Margaret … it is amazing that you were able to recognize that food can derail all your hard work and I know that those appetizers were delicious! I have managed to lose a wee bit each week … except this past few days were I went up a wee bit … not a whole pound … but a bit and I too recognize that the wee bits can go back on even easier than they came off. Yes, I am counting calories and walking every day except if it rains! I even walk around the perimeter of parking lots while Doug is in hardware stores shopping … that is good for several thousand steps … YAY! I am sorry to hear about your former Mother-in-Law … I really miss mine … she has been gone four years now. Anyway, you are to be congratulated on recognizing that food is a mine field for you and for all of us that are struggling to be our weight down. I am about 7 lbs from my first goal since I got my Garmin Activity Tracker … each goal is 10 lbs … Doug thought smaller goals would be more achievable than one large goal … who knows but it appears to be working. However, I have a long way to go to get even close to your weight loss goal.
    Anyway, keep these posts coming. I enjoy them very much. Also, I would like your permission to read this one to the club … I think quite a few of us experience the same battle without the insights that you seem to have gained … and I believe it would help us out a lot. How do you feel about that?
    Anna

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    1. Hi Anna, I’m glad to hear about your continuing success. I found once I stopped fooling around with my diet and just stuck to the new lifestyle changes that the momentum of the many small successes just kept me going and going.
      I’m doing much better now, but still struggling a bit.
      I’m totally all right with you sharing my post.
      Take care, Margaret

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  3. Margaret, thank you for your reflection on the month of June. Looking at all your success, the events of June represent a short-term setback. You have done well to get back on your program. I’m confident that you will find strategies to overcome the triggers that ” lead us into unhealthy temptation ” !

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  4. Sometimes food gets the better of us – for me it is chocolate whatever. You are the person that I could never be but always want to be. You always know what to eat, how to make it, trying different things (vegetables included – YUK!) but truly enjoying it. You’re my hero. But everyone needs to allow themselves to indulge and that is all that you did. You will be back on track again before you know it and it will be just a blip in time.

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    1. Hi Cathy, thanks for your comments. I am actually doing much better now but I have to say it was scary at the time. Most people who lose weight gain it back, even if it is a significant amount. I never want to go back to my former weight.
      By the way, tried another new vegetable…fennel. Was quite good and something different. I recommend it.
      Take care, Margaret

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