I’m not going to lie; it’s tough maintaining a weight loss.
I struggle with overeating—always have and probably always will—but what’s disconcerting to me is that the frequency at which I overeat has been increasing lately. While actively losing weight, I rarely overate but as I got closer and closer to a normal weight the frequency of overeating started to increase. Now I find I probably overeat at least twice a week. When I say overeating, I mean I am taking larger portions and eating till overfull or sometimes I just decide to eat outside of normal meal times just because I see the food or want the food but I’m not really hungry. So in essence, I am eating extra food more easily than I used to. I’m also eating a whole bunch of stuff that normally I wouldn’t eat and really shouldn’t eat. I haven’t gotten back into refined sugars but suddenly I am ordering fries with my dinner when out or eating potato chips when I’m around that food, etc. So, not only am I overeating, but I’m increasing my intake of poor choice foods. This is a dangerous slope that has steadily gotten worse. When I overeat, I set off the reward centre in my brain and it is extremely powerful. The more often I set my reward centres off with this type of eating, the more I want to overeat, and the harder it is to fight this urge.
In addition, I have noticed that some of my old thought patterns are starting to re-surface. I’ve noticed thoughts of diet mentality, which I hate! You know what I mean: “I ate too much yesterday, I’m going to cut way back today to make up for it.” Or “I won’t worry about what I eat today, tomorrow is a new day and I’ll be fine” or “I’ve been doing so well lately, it doesn’t matter if I have a bit more today.” I’ve also noted that I sometimes don’t want to weigh myself because I’m afraid of what number will appear on the scale. This mentality is very ingrained in me.
So far, I haven’t suffered much physically (yet!), in that my weight has been steady bouncing between 161 and 164, but emotionally…that is another story. While losing my excess weight, I enjoyed a sense of freedom from compulsive overeating that I had not experienced before in my life. I learned to eat within my caloric allotment and enjoyed the food that was healthy for me and I didn’t play around with my portions or selections. The weight came off relatively easy and it was just such an awesome feeling. During that time I couldn’t imagine ever struggling with food again. The rewards of proper eating were just so great compared to the hell of being trapped in the yo-yo dieting cycles I was stuck in before.
But here I am, where I thought I would never be.
I’m scared. I’m scared that I will totally lose control and regain my weight. After all, that is what has always happened to me in the past. And that is what happens to 99% of people who lose their excess weight.
Thankfully, I’m still working with my diet coach; we just passed two years of working together. I know that my old diet mentality will not work for me and I sometimes forget what I really need to do. My coach brings me back to reality and is able to refocus me and get me going again in the right direction.
That’s where I am now. At the end of year one, I was ecstatic of where I was, now at the end of year two, I’m struggling. It will be interesting to see what the next year will be. I know what I want this year to be and I know what I need to do.
The journey continues…