Food and the last few months….

I’m not going to lie; it’s tough maintaining a weight loss.

I struggle with overeating—always have and probably always will—but what’s disconcerting to me is that the frequency at which I overeat has been increasing lately. While actively losing weight, I rarely overate but as I got closer and closer to a normal weight the frequency of overeating started to increase. Now I find I probably overeat at least twice a week. When I say overeating, I mean I am taking larger portions and eating till overfull or sometimes I just decide to eat outside of normal meal times just because I see the food or want the food but I’m not really hungry. So in essence, I am eating extra food more easily than I used to. I’m also eating a whole bunch of stuff that normally I wouldn’t eat and really shouldn’t eat. I haven’t gotten back into refined sugars but suddenly I am ordering fries with my dinner when out or eating potato chips when I’m around that food, etc. So, not only am I overeating, but I’m increasing my intake of poor choice foods. This is a dangerous slope that has steadily gotten worse. When I overeat, I set off the reward centre in my brain and it is extremely powerful. The more often I set my reward centres off with this type of eating, the more I want to overeat, and the harder it is to fight this urge.

In addition, I have noticed that some of my old thought patterns are starting to re-surface. I’ve noticed thoughts of diet mentality, which I hate! You know what I mean: “I ate too much yesterday, I’m going to cut way back today to make up for it.” Or “I won’t worry about what I eat today, tomorrow is a new day and I’ll be fine” or “I’ve been doing so well lately, it doesn’t matter if I have a bit more today.” I’ve also noted that I sometimes don’t want to weigh myself because I’m afraid of what number will appear on the scale. This mentality is very ingrained in me.

So far, I haven’t suffered much physically (yet!), in that my weight has been steady bouncing between 161 and 164, but emotionally…that is another story. While losing my excess weight, I enjoyed a sense of freedom from compulsive overeating that I had not experienced before in my life. I learned to eat within my caloric allotment and enjoyed the food that was healthy for me and I didn’t play around with my portions or selections. The weight came off relatively easy and it was just such an awesome feeling. During that time I couldn’t imagine ever struggling with food again. The rewards of proper eating were just so great compared to the hell of being trapped in the yo-yo dieting cycles I was stuck in before.

But here I am, where I thought I would never be.

I’m scared. I’m scared that I will totally lose control and regain my weight. After all, that is what has always happened to me in the past. And that is what happens to 99% of people who lose their excess weight.

Thankfully, I’m still working with my diet coach; we just passed two years of working together. I know that my old diet mentality will not work for me and I sometimes forget what I really need to do. My coach brings me back to reality and is able to refocus me and get me going again in the right direction.

That’s where I am now.  At the end of year one, I was ecstatic of where I was, now at the end of year two, I’m struggling.  It will be interesting to see what the next year will be.  I know what I want this year to be and I know what I need to do.

The journey continues…

 

 

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Food and the last few months….

  1. Seems you need a non food reward system. Like pedicures or massages or enjoyable physical activity.

    I was surprized when you biked all the way to lockport and only ate a banana. More surprised that you were bewildered at your fatgue riding back. Its like you didn’t think of food as fuel. I would have never made it there and if I did I have a hot dog for sure.

    Just my outside observation. I am certainly struggling with the same cravings as you and choose the couch over exercice almost every day.

    Like

  2. I am having similar problems, having added 2 pounds the past week! Yikes!!

    In ditching the Diet Mentality, I am trying some new thoughts:
    “Instead of cutting back , I’ll eat normally today, to regain consistency in my food intake.” “Normal, healthy eating feels better, in the long run ,than treating myself.” “What emotion do I think the poor choice food (or over-serving of food) will treat? How else can I treat it”?” “I can find ways to handle the scary things ( unusual attention, envy/resentment by some people, etc.) that may come with successful weight removal.”

    It’s challenging, b/c we are creating a new persona when we work on removing significant excess weight. I’m trying to focus on the positive energy that comes from creativity in making new choices, and counteracting the feeling of security (I have habits, know what to expect) in being in this present body. Good luck to us, and to everyone struggling with making a major change!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s